Pregnancy Test Results
I'm starting this blog post before I know what's happening. I've been a distracted, discouraged, terrified, emotional, insert more adjectives here.
It's been exactly two weeks since my transfer. We were there with plenty of time, brought into the procedure waiting area quickly, so quickly, Dave had left for the washroom, and I was gone before he got back a few minutes later. The nurse assured me, once they got me changed, she'd bring him into see me. I changed quickly, and posed for some pretty pictures to send to Dave while I waited. What do you think? He truly is the luckiest guy on the planet!
We heard the nurses speaking about how the person ahead of us was running behind. They arrived late, they hadn't finished their litre of water, so I waited for them to show up when they were supposed to be in the procedure room, while I was there on time, with my full bladder, about to pee my ... gown?. I also popped open my recliner and smashed Dave in the leg with it. Whoops! Sorry Dave, for that unpleasant birthday present!
When the time came, the walked me over to the procedure room, laid me down on the bed and prepared me for the transfer. They checked the fullness of my bladder. It was too full, I was instructed to head to the bathroom, to fill two styrofoam cups and make my way back in. As I was leaving the room, the Doctor started giving Dave the run down on our embryo, I was worried I was going to miss everything, but as soon as I got back, he repeated his spiel, and told me the embryo started off as a good quality, 3BB, but quickly grew to 5AA (Nearly perfect!) by the time we were ready to transfer.
They went in, did their thing and quickly transferred our little embryo into my uterus. Everything looked perfect. Here's a picture to prove it. I believe they said this bright white dot is an air bubble is where the embryo ended up.
The first few days were easy. I wanted to relax and give the embryo every possible chance to implant. I stopped drinking alcohol, caffeine, avoided as many processed foods as I could.
I wasn't going to test at home until Wednesday, a week after my transfer, but after speaking to a fellow IVF'er, I decided to test after 5 days. Monday morning, before my daily Progesterone in Oil shot in the ass, I peed on the test, and much to my surprise, I saw two lines.
After our last chemical pregnancy, we didn't believe it. We couldn't get excited, but it's hard to think that this may be our chance. I waited a day, and tested again, and repeated this. By Thursday, I figured it must be true, we told my parents we think it worked. We told Dave's parents Friday when we could make the drive up to their house, and of course, after another pregnancy test.
5 tests, it must be true. They were all getting darker. I had headaches, food aversions, exhausted beyond belief. I napped so hard a few days in a row. All of this was getting me really excited for our blood test on Monday. I knew my blood test was going to be positive. I wanted to scream from the rooftop that I WAS PREGNANT! And then I got the call. I was indeed pregnant, but my HCG (pregnancy hormone) level was lower than it should have been at this time. Coming in at 83.26 when they would have expected over 100.
I have been so transparent on my blog, on social media and even in person about the whole IVF process, but I couldn't handle posting that I was pregnant if there was a chance it may not work. I didn't want people filling my head with false hope that this was going to work, that 'if it's meant to be, it will happen', "Don't worry", "just relax" or "It's going to be OK". These comments that may come across as harmless are triggers for me that make me feel like I am the problem, it makes me feel like I need to absorb the blame.
the reality of the situation is, no one could say anything that would make me feel better, so I wanted no one to say anything. Our families have been supportive, and encouraging. Some of our close friends have been cheering us on, and this has been everything to both of us. But the only thing that was going to ease my concern was a second positive blood test that showed my HCG level had doubled.
And now we wait.
For the past few days, it has been exhausting. I'm physically and mentally drained. I'm second guessing every possible pregnancy symptom. Is this a sign that I'm pregnant? or a sign I'm not?
I have been mentally preparing myself for the worst. Unsure how I can handle more heartbreak in this process and as I sit here waiting for the call, my head throbbing, my anxiety at an all time high. Every possible outcome, how we got here and what comes next is all completely out of my hands. I have no input in the outcome. I have no control. I thought my anxiety would decrease following a positive pregnancy test, I was sadly mistaken.
The phone just rang.
I was ready to finish this post with a completely different ending. I had started to lose hope that this wasn't going to happen, we were going to experience yet another chemical pregnancy. Much to my surprise, the nurse had some good news. I was, and am STILL pregnant. My HCG level has more than doubled, and is now sitting at 199.08. My doctor reviewed the results and was pleased with them, he hasn't ordered another test, and instead I have just over two weeks to wait before going in for my first appointment with him, and my first ultrasound.
We still have a long road ahead, 8 more weeks of waiting to see if we make it through the first trimester, but today is yet another milestone for us. Something to celebrate. I cafn only hope that this little embryo is going to keep on fighting or the next 8 months, and hopefully we'll see it on this side of my belly in and around June 12th, 2020.